Non-responsiveness in professional settings can stem from various reasons but addressing it directly can improve communication.
At nearly 67, very little gets to me. I’m not as stressed out as I was when I was younger, nor am I nearly as easily upset or rattled. It truly is one of the benefits of aging. That said, if there is anything that does still get to me, it’s the people you reach out to – whether by phone, text, or email – who simply don’t respond.
When I say they don’t respond, I’m NOT talking about those you made an unsolicited proposal to – or a potential client you are aggressively trying to get something to. No, it’s the people you work with and for – and those who work for you – who simply don’t respond. These could be a business partner, your CEO, an old and well-established client, or a junior person who is a direct report. You make a suggestion, come up with an idea, or ask a question, and there is zero reaction.
The young people call this non-response “ghosting.” I just call it frustrating. In any case, if you can identify with me here, how does it make you feel?
First, let’s a take an honest look at why you could be getting a non-response. Sometimes it’s your fault, but not always. Even though I would never deliberately do this to someone I cared about, here are some reasons I would guess for why certain people don’t respond:
- They disagree with you. You may make a suggestion, proposal, or recommendation, or have an idea that you share. And the person you are sending it to doesn’t like the idea. So instead of telling you that and why, they just don’t respond. I guess they hope you will forget? Maybe you should privately ask the non-responder for a reaction if others were on the distribution for your original suggestion or recommendation. Maybe they don’t want to share why they disagree with your idea with everyone else but will reply to you individually.
- You may have posed a tough question they don’t know how to answer. So they don’t. No, I don’t think this is acceptable. It would be better for this person to say they don’t know, or tell you where another source could be for the answer to your question. But instead they simply ignore you. I would ask again and be persistent.
- They are upset with you. You cannot ignore this as a possibility. The other person may be mad at you for one reason or another, and instead of directly confronting you with their problem – one that may or may not be related to your question or suggestion – they are passive-aggressive and just don’t reply to you. You need to ask the person if they are upset with you and if so, talk it out.
- They don’t think they need to respond. Some people are just not tuned in or haven’t been schooled in proper business etiquette. They actually don’t know they are supposed to acknowledge getting something they asked for or being asked to do something. I see this in a surprising number of college students and recent graduates. What may seem like common sense to us old farts, it isn’t to them. You have to teach them.
- They simply forget to respond. I have never been a non-responder deliberately but would be lying to say this hasn’t happened to me. Your call or text or email could be lost in a sea of them that came in all at once, or when the person you sent it to was doing something else – and they just forgot. A simple reminder may help!
There is always the option of leveling with those who don’t respond and telling them how that makes you feel. Done properly and with some finesse, it may be all it takes to break the non-response log jam. Or, alternatively, it could backfire and may lead them to think you are overly-sensitive and shouldn’t be on their team. But approached properly and used sparingly, this may be your best response to the non-responders.
One thing is for sure. Non-responders will pop up. How you deal with them – whether you do it, or don’t respond at all – is entirely up to you. Just don’t let them ruin your day.
Mark Zweig is Zweig Group’s chairman and founder. Contact him at mzweig@zweiggroup.com.
