Recognition matters, but real growth happens when leaders value quiet progress, not just visible wins.
You’ve probably heard the old philosophical question: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? It’s been interpreted in many ways, but to me, it’s always been about validation. Does something matter if no one acknowledges it?
That question came to life recently through my son’s experience with math. He was struggling with advanced algebra – he’s in eighth grade – and we started studying together. Which meant I was relearning algebra right alongside him. Over time, his confidence grew, and by the end of the year, he pulled off an A-. His school has an auto-notification system that alerts parents when grades drop below an 89, and I realized I hadn’t received a single alert in weeks. It felt like a solid parenting win.
When report cards came out, he casually mentioned they’d been posted. Then, after a pause, he said, “You didn’t say anything about my grades.” And he was right, I hadn’t. Because I wasn’t getting the alerts, I assumed he was doing well. But his comment made me pause. Did he need me to acknowledge what a great job he’d done? Wasn’t the A- enough?
At 14, yes, he did need that validation. And it came in the form of a few overpriced items from the mall. But beyond the new clothes, I saw something shift in him. He felt proud of the turnaround. He saw himself differently. We’d figured out how to study better, how to identify what he didn’t know, and how to ask better questions. The grade became more of a checkpoint than a finish line.
This experience reminded me of a concept I’ve always wrestled with: the difference between extrinsic and intrinsic motivation. Extrinsic motivation is driven by external rewards like grades, praise, bonuses. Intrinsic motivation, on the other hand, comes from within. It’s the internal drive to learn, grow, or contribute, regardless of recognition.
In his book Drive, Daniel Pink explores this distinction and argues that while external rewards can be effective in the short-term, they often fail to sustain long-term engagement or creativity. He identifies three key drivers of intrinsic motivation:
- Autonomy: having control over how we work
- Mastery: the desire to improve at something meaningful
- Purpose: the belief that our work matters
Looking back, my son had all three. He had autonomy in how he studied, whether through YouTube videos, practice problems, or our sessions together. He saw his own progress, which gave him a sense of mastery. And he started to believe he could be “a math kid,” not just someone trying to pass.
This isn’t just a parenting story, it’s a workplace story, too. In many organizations, we lean heavily on extrinsic motivators: bonuses, promotions, public recognition. And those things are important (and yes, I love them), but they’re not enough. If someone feels micromanaged, stuck in their role, or disconnected from the company’s mission, no amount of “great job!” is going to keep them engaged.
I’ve seen it firsthand. You can offer someone a big bonus for hitting a target, but if they don’t feel respected or trusted, it won’t matter.
That’s where Pink’s framework hits home. People want to feel like they have a say in how they work. They want to get better at what they do. And they want to know that their work means something. When those things are in place, people don’t just perform – they grow.
This also ties into Carol Dweck’s work on fixed vs. growth mindset. In her book Mindset, she explains that a fixed mindset assumes talent is innate and finite. People with this mindset often avoid challenges because they fear failure or hitting their “talent ceiling.” They crave praise based on comparison, it’s all about being better than someone else.
A growth mindset, on the other hand, believes that talent grows with effort. It’s OK to be “wobbly” at something new – that’s how you improve. The focus is on progress, not perfection. And you’re not comparing yourself to others; you’re measuring your own growth over time.
If we’d fallen into a fixed mindset, we might have moved my son to a lower-level math class just to get an easy A. But he chose to stay in the advanced class. Not every test was perfect, but he didn’t take that as a sign he didn’t belong. He didn’t fixate on his friends’ grades; it was about his own improvement.
The same thing happens at work. If you’re only motivated by external validation, you’ll stick to what you know you can do well. You’ll avoid risks. You’ll only apply for awards you’re sure you’ll win. And if you don’t get recognition? You start to question your worth. But if you’re driven by growth, you’re more willing to try, fail, and learn. You’re not chasing applause, you’re chasing improvement.
I see this in my own work, too. Business development is all about building relationships over time. The growth mindset reminds me that the small, consistent actions I take today – whether it’s a thoughtful follow-up, a new idea, or simply showing up – will compound in the long run, even if I don’t see immediate results. It also reminds me not to compare myself to others (something so difficult to do). My intrinsic motivation comes from wanting to grow this company and having the autonomy to shape how we get there. That sense of ownership fuels my persistence, especially when progress feels slow or invisible.
This mindset shift isn’t easy. The fixed mindset is often ingrained in us from childhood. As an academic kid, I heard a lot of praise about how quickly I picked things up or how I compared them to others. Embracing a growth mindset meant unlearning that. I only truly adopted it when I was studying Japanese. It didn’t matter how I compared to my classmates – what mattered was improving over time. One of my proudest moments wasn’t recorded in a grade book: after a phone conversation, the other speaker assumed I was a native speaker.
I’m not saying we should get rid of bonuses or recognition. Those things matter – and again, I love them. But they’re not the whole story. If we want people to grow, we need to recognize effort, not just results. Are they learning? Improving? Taking smart risks?
And as employees, we need to remember that not everything we do will be met with applause. Sometimes the most meaningful work happens quietly.
Sometimes the tree falls, no one hears it, but it still makes a sound. Your efforts matter – even when no one notices, even when no one says anything. You know those sound waves rippled. And ultimately, that’s what really matters most.
Janki DePalma, LEED AP, CPSM is director of business development at W.E. O’Neil. Contact her at jdepalma@weoneil.com.