Strong leadership requires knowing what deserves your energy, what demands action, and what simply needs to be accepted.
There’s a supposed ancient Chinese curse (whose origin may not actually be Chinese, and which may have originated in the decidedly not ancient 1930s) that says, “May you live in interesting times.” In this context the word “interesting” stands in for chaotic, and looking around at life in 2026 I believe the times are definitely interesting. It feels like the dials of uncertainty, conflict, fear, and discontent have all been cranked to 11, like Nigel Tufnel’s famously overpowered amp in This Is Spinal Tap. Every day brings new challenges across the domains of work, family, community, etc. It’s… a lot.
Over the past several months, as I’ve sorted through my own challenges in addition to those of people I care about who have confided in me, I’ve found myself continually going back to the Serenity Prayer. Regardless of your religious leanings or affiliations there is tremendous wisdom to be found there.
Commonly attributed to theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, the prayer is most closely associated with Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step recovery groups, but the words are powerful for anyone struggling to keep their head up in 2026. The prayer reads: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Let’s break it down:
Accept the things I cannot change
The first step is to have the humility to accept that there are, in fact, things we cannot change! I know The Zweig Letter is geared toward AEC firm leaders, and as a group we’re wired to “see obstacle, destroy obstacle.” Some things truly are beyond our control, and fighting that reality wastes enormous time, energy, emotion, and money. Sometimes the client picks your competitor for the wrong reasons; sometimes you get tagged with a lawsuit even though you did nothing wrong. Yes, it sucks. No, you can’t undo it.
This is also true of life outside the office. I have two people close to me who received “bolt of lightning” cancer diagnoses this year. Those situations are inherently terrifying, but it’s been inspiring to watch each of them handle their new reality in a positive way. They’ve approached treatment with intention and hope, not lamenting the twist of fate. It’s a stark reminder of how much of life falls outside our purview. As Oliver Burkeman reminds us in his book Four Thousand Weeks, “The day will never arrive when you finally have everything under control.” The sooner we embrace our limitations the sooner we can get to work on the right things, which leads us to…
The wisdom to know the difference
This may be the hardest part of the prayer to put into action. Again, as leaders we tend to believe that most things are under our control, so being realistic about where we truly have influence is critically important. In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People author Stephen R. Covey talks about the difference between our Circle of Concern (all the things we worry about in life) and our Circle of Influence (the smaller circle that encompasses only those things we worry about over which we have some agency). Ideally the gap between those two circles is as small as possible because that gap represents the time and energy we waste worrying about things we can’t control.
Years ago, I spent my commute each day listening to news in the morning and sports talk radio in the afternoon. These sources of input created lots of things to worry about (war, disease, the economy, can my Texas Longhorns field a competent offense?), none of which I had any control over whatsoever. I made an intentional choice to switch to podcasts while driving. I found that a mix of personal development and comedy content makes me a better human and puts me in a better mood. Regarding the circles, Covey tells us: “By determining which of these two circles is the focus of most of our time and energy, we can discover much about the degree of our proactivity. Proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about.” Drawing those boundaries requires wisdom, and taking action requires…
The courage to change the things I can
If we’ve applied the discernment to identify where we have influence, it’s time to get to work. Change is difficult, but also inevitable. By taking positive action, we preserve our agency to shape the world in our image (however slightly) rather than succumbing to the change imposed on us by outside forces. Each of us has the power to improve not only our own lives but the lives of those around us (and under our care, if you’re a firm leader). We may not be able to change everything, but we can find purpose in knowing we've done our part to make things better. As the late, great Dolly Parton said, “I'm one of those people who, even if things are not right, goes about trying to make it as right as I can rather than just lying around and wallowing in it all day. I think, ‘Well, I can either do this or I can do that.’ I choose to get up and try to make it better if I can.” Words to live by, for sure. Fight the good fight.
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Morgan Stinson is chief growth officer at EEA Consulting Engineers. Contact him at morganstinson@eeace.com. |
